So it's been a while (since I coulllldddddd hold my head up high - sorry Matchbox 20 that's a thing). But whatever blah blah this is mostly for MAHSELF I'm all writing about mahself while siting by mahself thinking about mahself. Everyone's gone to sleep and it's New Year's Eve aka one of my favorite nights of the year :'). I have some interesting New Year's Eve memories I've been thinking about.
The first new year's eve I can actually fully remember is the one of the year 2000. My brother made seven layer dip as I watched, counting out the layers. I was 7. In class earlier that month we'd written our new year's resolutions on a sheet with 2-0-0-0 printed in big block letters. I watched the ball drop. My parents barely stayed up. I found out I didn't really like refried beans
The year after that my great uncle came to visit. My oldest sister took us all to Barnes and noble? I saw a hardcover of the first Harry Potter book and asked to get it. She was like yo you already read that and I was like oh yeah you're right. Then my great uncle told my sister to get it for me and I felt mortified I remember as a kid I hated adults feeling obligated to get me things - it made me feel pandered to and needy and not very grown up.
Some years later I invited over my friend LA and bought fireworks and junk food and made my sister H sit outside with us in the cold as we deployed (what verb should be used?) the fireworks. H obligingly pretended she didn't hate loud noises and took pictures for us. Who knows where those pictures went but there being pictures made it feel important.
But fast forward some years and it's almost 2014 and I'm trying to evaluate what I got done in the past year. Watching my niece grow has really made me think (read this in a snotty college essay voice) about development. Mashallah, in 8 months she's gone from peanut baby to the girl who clapped with me today and found me under the table (BIKHHHH = the Egyptian version of peekaboo). What have I done? Have I gone from lying stationary to crawling or anything analogously great? Hmmm. I don't think so? I think if I've grown in anything (and please reintroduce your snottiest college essay voice - thing Aziz Ansari doing an impression of his nephew) it's leadership skills? More accurately, I have an easier time confronting people, getting to the point with them, or even communicating my disapproval to them in a private and socially acceptable way. So basically yeah I'm a boss. As my friend called me in high school, I'm a down-breaker. I break things down. I've realized in a lot of scenarios when I'm thinking - why doesn't someone do that or tell them this - I can step up.
Have I grown in anything else? I think I've become more earnest? So (and now introduce your most annoying poet voice. The voice that makes people hate poetry. YouTube a reading of the Erebus this is the voice I envision or enauditory) I took a poetry writing class last semester. And I'm taking advanced poetry writing next semester. THAT'S IT. I'VE SAID IT. It's more than voluntary now! It's not just because it fits into my schedule or is an easy A! I LAIK EET. it's challenging and beautiful and makes me think and I love reading poetry and sometimes I'm okay with writing it and that's that! In writing poetry, I've realized I want to be earnest. That doesn't mean sentimental, and doesn't mean avoiding sarcasm. But I've realized I don't want to be needlessly avoidant (not a word congratulations to me) or try to make something that wasn't big but should've been big, or was minor but felt big small. Try to logic that out.
So what are my goals for the next year? After all this rambling, you'll be glad to hear that time management is a major goal. I went to MAS-ICNA over the break alhamdulilah and a lot of the talks gave me some resolution-like thoughts. One of my favorite talks was on the use of time. It wasn't preachy, but the speaker said - do a time audit. Look at your time and see what's going to waste. What are you doing that's not helping yourself in any way? Get rid of that. For me, that's really meaningful. I always feel like I'm running out of time, and I know the next semester will be a hard one (did I tell you (fictional you) that I'm doing EMT training isA? I'm doing Emt training isA.) but I want to make time for the important things and lower the time spent on unimportant things. So basic sounding, but really something I struggle with.
Another goal? Moderation. OHMAGA another person going on a New Year's diet. Nope. Diet's probably the most minor part of this. I want to not have to do everything so full-heartedly. I don't want to either make 1000 flashcards for an exam or barely skim the notes; I don't want to spend one day talking to everyone on campus and spend the next in pajamas on the couch doing homework; I don't want to eat all the fries one day and yogurt for breakfast the next. Or maybe I should? Maybe I'm just a full-hearted gung-ho person and that's alright? Self-realization happening right here right now. Screw this goal Imma keep doing all of that.
With this, I sign off to dance to my playlist alone in a silent room.
HAPPY NEW YEAR!
That crazy person who typed this on their phone.
The first new year's eve I can actually fully remember is the one of the year 2000. My brother made seven layer dip as I watched, counting out the layers. I was 7. In class earlier that month we'd written our new year's resolutions on a sheet with 2-0-0-0 printed in big block letters. I watched the ball drop. My parents barely stayed up. I found out I didn't really like refried beans
The year after that my great uncle came to visit. My oldest sister took us all to Barnes and noble? I saw a hardcover of the first Harry Potter book and asked to get it. She was like yo you already read that and I was like oh yeah you're right. Then my great uncle told my sister to get it for me and I felt mortified I remember as a kid I hated adults feeling obligated to get me things - it made me feel pandered to and needy and not very grown up.
Some years later I invited over my friend LA and bought fireworks and junk food and made my sister H sit outside with us in the cold as we deployed (what verb should be used?) the fireworks. H obligingly pretended she didn't hate loud noises and took pictures for us. Who knows where those pictures went but there being pictures made it feel important.
But fast forward some years and it's almost 2014 and I'm trying to evaluate what I got done in the past year. Watching my niece grow has really made me think (read this in a snotty college essay voice) about development. Mashallah, in 8 months she's gone from peanut baby to the girl who clapped with me today and found me under the table (BIKHHHH = the Egyptian version of peekaboo). What have I done? Have I gone from lying stationary to crawling or anything analogously great? Hmmm. I don't think so? I think if I've grown in anything (and please reintroduce your snottiest college essay voice - thing Aziz Ansari doing an impression of his nephew) it's leadership skills? More accurately, I have an easier time confronting people, getting to the point with them, or even communicating my disapproval to them in a private and socially acceptable way. So basically yeah I'm a boss. As my friend called me in high school, I'm a down-breaker. I break things down. I've realized in a lot of scenarios when I'm thinking - why doesn't someone do that or tell them this - I can step up.
Have I grown in anything else? I think I've become more earnest? So (and now introduce your most annoying poet voice. The voice that makes people hate poetry. YouTube a reading of the Erebus this is the voice I envision or enauditory) I took a poetry writing class last semester. And I'm taking advanced poetry writing next semester. THAT'S IT. I'VE SAID IT. It's more than voluntary now! It's not just because it fits into my schedule or is an easy A! I LAIK EET. it's challenging and beautiful and makes me think and I love reading poetry and sometimes I'm okay with writing it and that's that! In writing poetry, I've realized I want to be earnest. That doesn't mean sentimental, and doesn't mean avoiding sarcasm. But I've realized I don't want to be needlessly avoidant (not a word congratulations to me) or try to make something that wasn't big but should've been big, or was minor but felt big small. Try to logic that out.
So what are my goals for the next year? After all this rambling, you'll be glad to hear that time management is a major goal. I went to MAS-ICNA over the break alhamdulilah and a lot of the talks gave me some resolution-like thoughts. One of my favorite talks was on the use of time. It wasn't preachy, but the speaker said - do a time audit. Look at your time and see what's going to waste. What are you doing that's not helping yourself in any way? Get rid of that. For me, that's really meaningful. I always feel like I'm running out of time, and I know the next semester will be a hard one (did I tell you (fictional you) that I'm doing EMT training isA? I'm doing Emt training isA.) but I want to make time for the important things and lower the time spent on unimportant things. So basic sounding, but really something I struggle with.
Another goal? Moderation. OHMAGA another person going on a New Year's diet. Nope. Diet's probably the most minor part of this. I want to not have to do everything so full-heartedly. I don't want to either make 1000 flashcards for an exam or barely skim the notes; I don't want to spend one day talking to everyone on campus and spend the next in pajamas on the couch doing homework; I don't want to eat all the fries one day and yogurt for breakfast the next. Or maybe I should? Maybe I'm just a full-hearted gung-ho person and that's alright? Self-realization happening right here right now. Screw this goal Imma keep doing all of that.
With this, I sign off to dance to my playlist alone in a silent room.
HAPPY NEW YEAR!
That crazy person who typed this on their phone.
